You might be a redneck if . . .
Aug 22, 2015 20:07:02 GMT -5
midhilldexters and Pinevalleydexters like this
Post by zephyrhillsusan on Aug 22, 2015 20:07:02 GMT -5
First off, for you yankees and furriners let me explain that a redneck is usually a derogatory term, but also can be a joking reference. Its most kind translation might be "yokel." There's a comedian called Jeff Foxworthy who is pretty much synonymous with "You might be a redneck if . . ." So after my definition, if you still aren't sure what one is, check out the link. I've been thinking about redneckness lately, so here goes . . .
You might be a redneck if . . .
. . . there's a manure fork sitting in your living room. Hey, at least it's never been used!
Sorry, absolutely no photos for this one, but you might be a redneck if . . . you've been pantsed by a bovine! Ebby's bull calf Seb was licking my leg the other day. He started on my calf (not sure if he intended that pun! ), licked his way up to my knee, and started on up my thigh. At that point I said, "Hey, buddy, that's getting a little personal!" He stopped and started to walk away behind me when suddenly he grabbed the back hem of my shorts and yanked down. I managed to catch them before they went completely. I burst out laughing, which I think (unfortunately) he got a kick out of. How do I know that? Because he repeated it a few days later. I may be a bit slow, but it never occurred to me that he'd do it on purpose the same way, so he got me again.
This last one is the opposite of being a redneck because the reddest redneck would know better, so I'm not quite sure what it proves! I tried to empty the overloaded, soaking wet manure spreader down our steep front hill in a pouring rain. It jammed and backed up before I realized what was happening. Let's just say that manure fork from the living room got christened, but it couldn't begin to handle the job. I ended up putting on gloves and removing most of the manure/hay mixture by hand. Gag! I have a new sympathy for the guys who empty septic tanks for a living. The bottom of the front yard ended up looking sort of like a scene from the movie "RV," if you know the one I mean. And I have learned to look back and keep an eye on the manure spreader while it's going.
So chime in, everyone, what makes you a redneck? (Or a city slicker?)
You might be a redneck if . . .
. . . there's a manure fork sitting in your living room. Hey, at least it's never been used!
Sorry, absolutely no photos for this one, but you might be a redneck if . . . you've been pantsed by a bovine! Ebby's bull calf Seb was licking my leg the other day. He started on my calf (not sure if he intended that pun! ), licked his way up to my knee, and started on up my thigh. At that point I said, "Hey, buddy, that's getting a little personal!" He stopped and started to walk away behind me when suddenly he grabbed the back hem of my shorts and yanked down. I managed to catch them before they went completely. I burst out laughing, which I think (unfortunately) he got a kick out of. How do I know that? Because he repeated it a few days later. I may be a bit slow, but it never occurred to me that he'd do it on purpose the same way, so he got me again.
This last one is the opposite of being a redneck because the reddest redneck would know better, so I'm not quite sure what it proves! I tried to empty the overloaded, soaking wet manure spreader down our steep front hill in a pouring rain. It jammed and backed up before I realized what was happening. Let's just say that manure fork from the living room got christened, but it couldn't begin to handle the job. I ended up putting on gloves and removing most of the manure/hay mixture by hand. Gag! I have a new sympathy for the guys who empty septic tanks for a living. The bottom of the front yard ended up looking sort of like a scene from the movie "RV," if you know the one I mean. And I have learned to look back and keep an eye on the manure spreader while it's going.
So chime in, everyone, what makes you a redneck? (Or a city slicker?)